


strength and struggle

by scullys_sunflower



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Movie: The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008), Pre-X-Files Revival, The Unremarkable House (X-Files), have i tagged right?, i am sorry if i upset anyone x, this is terrible but i love them so much, you can never have TOO much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 20:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullys_sunflower/pseuds/scullys_sunflower
Summary: the toxic environment at the unremarkable house was becoming too much for Scully and she takes matters into her own hands, causing them both to fall into an emotional state of longing.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	strength and struggle

The unremarkable house was too still and Scully hated it. the past few weeks have been draining emotionally and physically. Mulder has succumbed to the darkness and stays locked in his office all day. She goes to work; he is in the office. She comes home, he is still in the office. Sunflower seed cases scattered over the hardwood floor. Empty plates and glasses left discarded precariously on surfaces in his office. His beard is untamed and messy. She reminds him to trim it and he just grunts at her. He hasn’t spoken a full sentence to her in days.

He doesn’t share their bed anymore. He sleeps on the couch which is making his back worse. She wakes up depressed and constantly dreading the day when Mulder is like this. She misses his kiss, his gentleness and everything about him. They haven’t had sex in a month and it’s driving her insane. Her hormones are all over the place and she just wants a proper release. Masturbating doesn’t touch the surface. She fears this spiral will last many months and she cannot deal with this anymore.

Scully heads downstairs and he is curled up on the couch, sleeping. He doesn’t look peaceful like he used to and that breaks her heart even more. She puts on a pot of coffee and takes a deep breath before gently shaking Mulder’s arm to rouse him from his slumber.

“Mulder,” she says quietly as she brings her hand up to run through his unruly hair. He jumps awake and winces as the light catches his eyes.

“Scully?” he says hoarsely and she brushes her thumb over his cheek. He turns over so he is on his back. Scully is towering over him in a silk robe and her hair in a messy plait.

“There’s coffee in the pot. I’m going to make some scrambled eggs and toast, do you want any?” Scully asks before retreating into the kitchen.

“Just toast for me,” Mulder replies. He has sat up and is watching Scully closely. He senses something is wrong but he knows that Scully will want to speak about this _situation_ first. He stands and his spine pops audibly. He sighs as the tension in his back has eased.

When he returns downstairs after his quick shower, Scully is waiting for him at the table. Their breakfast laid out neatly and it all feels ominous. He opens his mouth to say something but Scully raises her hand and gestures for him to sit and eat before everything goes south.

“Scully, I know what’s happening,” Mulder said openly and Scully dropped her fork onto the plate.

“Finish eating then we’ll talk,” Scully replied, sadness evident in her voice. The lump in her throat was getting harder to swallow but she told herself that now isn’t the time to break down.

They ate in silence. The tension evident in the room and it made it hard to breathe for both of them. Their empty dishes were cleaned quickly and Scully poured herself another mug of coffee.

“Mulder, I can’t keep living like this. Before you try and cut me off, hear me out first. This cloud of darkness that had overcome you is slowly dragging me into your spiral and it’s toxic. I try everything to help you and you refuse my help. I’m struggling Mulder and you don’t see that because you’re tainted by this obsession of finding the truth. We… I left that life behind when we went on the run. I know there are no words for me to say that means I understand why you feel like this and why you’ve let the darkness in. But, Mulder, you have to realise that it affects both of us. I feel like I am suffocating. I dread getting up in the morning because I do not know what state I am going to find you in. I do not know how you’ll react to my attempts at help. You push me away and that breaks me…” she pauses, catching her breath as the tears roll down her cheeks. Mulder reaches out to wipe the tears away but she pulls back.

“Scully, I-” Mulder tries to speak but she presses her finger to his lips. He sighs and waits for the next blow.

“I have to walk away.” There’s the final blow that Mulder had been waiting for.

“Okay,” is all that Mulder can manage because he knows that lying won’t help and he trusts Scully even if this choice does break his heart. It’s for the best and he wants to get better

“I don’t want to fight but Mulder, you need to focus on yourself now. You need to work your way through this depression. I want to support you but I cannot be here while you’re like _this._ I’ll never stop loving you, remember that.” Scully said, her voice cracking and her hands trembling as she grabbed his hand one last time.

“Where will you go?” Mulder asked quietly, watching Scully stand at the bottom of the stairs.

“Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself,” Scully replied and headed upstairs to collect some things. Her fresh mug of coffee lay untouched.

Mulder stood in the kitchen before dragging himself into his office. He wasn’t sure if she’d say goodbye when she had packed what she wanted to take with her. He could hear her moving around upstairs and Scully’s confession finally hit him full force. His mind was racing and his chest suddenly felt tight. He swiftly wiped away the tears when he heard the stairs creak. He had left the door to his office open almost like a signal of surrender. Scully was right once again and he accepted that. The consequences of that acceptance would take their toll and he would have to fight harder to defeat the darkness and bring his constant back to him. They were playing with fire and only one of them was going to get burnt. Scully approaches the doorway of his office and he keeps his back to her. If he turns around, he’ll beg and it will make this heartbreak even more real.

“Not sure when I’ll be back for the rest of my belongings. Look after yourself.” Scully says quietly and then departs. The wheels of her suitcase scurrying along the hardwood floor seem louder now _their_ house is quiet. The energy in the house was dangerous and intoxicating. The engine of her car starts, and now, she’s free from him. She went willingly. She wasn’t snatched from him and he thinks that it would’ve been easier if she was snatched. He knows how to deal with that. He can work through that logically, but this is completely new territory for them.

He spins round in his chair and a small, irrational part of him thinks that she’ll come back in a short period and want to help him. The rational part of his brain knows that’s bullshit and he needs to prioritise his mental wellbeing, something that Scully knows he was never good at. His pursuit of the truth has always come first. The fear of not being able to find normalcy and their version of domestic bliss is whirring around in the back of his mind as the tears full freely now.

Mulder doesn’t know how much time has passed as he ventures upstairs. The bedroom smells so strongly of her and that familiar ache of longing is back. He hadn’t felt that sense of longing for years and here he is again, yearning for the only person that makes him whole. The bed has been made neatly. The sheets hadn’t been changed which took him by surprise but he was grateful. Their closet was open and most of her clothes, shoes and other important items had been taken. There was an empty hanger on his side and it dawned on him that she had packed one of his t-shirts, probably to sleep in.

The picture of William that stood on her bedside table remained and there was a slip of paper resting against the frame. He approached the table and picked up the paper. He read it a few times and he sunk onto the bed. He breathed in Scully’s scent as he clutched the piece of paper.

 _We love you. Don’t forget how far we’ve come._

-x-x-x-

The drive was painful and she had to pull over multiple times to compose herself. She didn’t know where to go. A hotel would suffice for a day or two but she needed somewhere permanent (for now). The thought of calling her mother made her feel sick as she wouldn’t know how to explain everything without breaking down and having a panic attack. She decided on a hotel and would confront the idea of confessing all to her mother when she had calmed down.

The hotel was small and quaint. The receptionist was very cheerful and Scully had to fake smile through the checking-in process. It wasn’t too far from work and it was far enough from the house to ward off the ever-growing temptation to turn around and work through this spiral with him. Now that she was further away from the house, she felt like she could breathe easier. The tightness and pressure in her chest eased. The guilt pushed to the back of her mind. She had to reassure herself that this was the right thing to do. She needed space and to be her own person. She always knew that Mulder would slip back into his ways but never did expect it to consume her so quickly and threaten what normalcy they had built.

As she kicked off her shoes and shrugged off her coat, her phone sounded in her pocket. She ignored it and focused on getting settled in her new home for the next two days. She unpacked her toiletries and hung up her blouses plus skirts in the tiny wardrobe. The rest of her clothes remained in the suitcase. The rest of her belongings were tucked away in the boot of her car. A sob racked through her as she curled into the chair which looked out onto a field. Their journey together hadn’t been easy. Countless abductions, pain, infertility, a miraculous pregnancy, and then losing their son. They hadn’t been always been there to support each other during these times but they always made their way back to each other even if it did nearly kill them. She felt like the other half of her was missing and she knew that no one could ever fill that void. She missed everything about Mulder. His smile, that plump fucking bottom lip of his, and the way his eyes lit up when he laid eyes on her.

Letting him down easy wasn’t as easy as she had thought. The ache in her heart was increasing every second she thought of him. They needed this, to find themselves and work through their problems. Both of them were stronger than they thought but finding that strength was going to be their struggle. 

**Author's Note:**

> hii!! this is my first ever fic for this ship and I am nervous but excited about sharing this with you talented people :)
> 
> this idea has plagued me since I recently rewatched IWTB and the revival. I did struggle at times so it may be out of character in places and for that, I am sorry! It's short but I hope it does the characters justice. this idea has probably been done many times before but I wanted to add my contribution. 
> 
> (any mistakes are mine so please be gentle if you leave feedback🧡).


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